I.Mupferit Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Sorry 'bout that, pressed the wrong button ❗ I'll start again in a mo'. Right here goes. About 3 am'ish yesterday morning, Mrs C wakes me to tell me there was something screaming out on the patio. Right you are said I and tried to get back to sleep.....as you do. No really, she says, it might be one of the cats, you had better go and have a look. Realising I wasn't going to be allowed to get away with it, I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and slipped into my slippers and dressing gown. I looked out the window but could see nothing (it was dark you see) so went downstairs, through the kitchen and conservatory and opened the door onto the patio. The wussy female cat was running around looking panic stricken so I stepped out onto the patio as there was obviously something amiss. The outside light came on via the PIR and our other cat, the big butch male one, was strolling up the garden with a "Don't worry, I've got it sorted" look about him. At this point, seeing as it was a bit chilly, nature called so I turned round and dashed back in to the loo. Having relieved myself, I turned to go back out and lock the outside door when horror of horrors I saw footstep spaced dollops of sh1t leading from me, back through the carpeted hallway and all the way back through the kitchen and conservatory. Looked at my slipper and sure enough, I had trodden in what could only be a huge great dollop of Fox sh1t deposited on the patio. No bloody wonder the thing was screaming whilst producing that lot. At this point, the aroma started to find it's way up my nostrils and oh my god what a stink ❗ ❗ ❗ Great, I thought, just fecking great. So 45 minutes and several litres of disinfectant later, my slippers were in a plastic bag in the bin, the floors were scrubbed and I was back in bed, wide awake with the dawn chorus just getting under way. *mad* I later arrived in the office at around 7.30 to find one of my drivers lying, apparently unconscious, on the concrete apron outside the office entrance. Being the cynic I have become, having seen many an acting performance worthy of an Oscar from my staff, I walked past him and said "Morning Pete" whilst unlocking the office door. Pete didn't respond so I said louder "Morning Pete" At this point he responds with an apparent start saying "Oh what, where am I"? He tries to get up and exaggeratedly slides his hand down the wall whilst telling me he is suffering the worst headache he has ever known and it will be dangerous to drive. He, obviously was after a day off despite knowing that we are presently short handed and desperately needed him to drive but never mind, good old Brent can wind his blood pressure up just a bit more ❗ Just getting things sorted by about 8.30 when our new fork lift truck driver/village idiot runs the truck half off the very wide concrete apron and onto the 12" wide strip of soft earth at one side which you couldn't possibly get to if you tried. He did, however, and stranded the fork lift in a position where we couldn't easily remove it. So bang goes our delivery schedule as we can't load any pallets onto the truck with a marooned fork lift. Never mind it will simply wind Brents BP up just that little bit more ❗ 1 hour later just getting that resolved and the fork lift finally dragged back onto the concrete, walked into the office to sit down for the first time that day when village idiot number 2 walks in with a bit of broken machine in his hand and a stupid smirk on his face. "The spiral machine is knackered" he says. Now this machine is the basis of all our production and, therefore, very important to the company. "What happened"? I ask. "Err, well I don't know really, this bit just came off in my hand". But never mind, it will simply wind up Brents BP just that little bit more!!!!! AAAAaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh It has to get better today. Edited by - BRENT CHISWICK on 1 Jul 2004 12:37:53 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTD Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 .... and the screaming was ....??? Can't stand the suspense..... G 4 Geoff Leather Good - Carbon Fibre Bad 619 GTD here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTD Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 ...was gone G 4 Geoff Leather Good - Carbon Fibre Bad 619 GTD here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-B Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 NaPP has pressies for you GTD Steve B Big Black Beast^3 Lighten up everybody....NOW USA 2005: How the West Was Driven Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tam Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 What's up Brent 🤔 I reckon 17 July could be a better day 😬 Tam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hibster. Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Wossssup Brent ? Supercheese R250 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevSull Too Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Down the pub for lunch then? Never mind, we'll have a good laugh on Sunday finding out what's next on the list to stop Mr Motts engine fitting... 😬You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same. 😬 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boonie Hound Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Hands over darken room and damp flannel to Brent for lie down and button for own personal nurse to tend his BP...... ......Ooops it's a male nurse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Violet Elizabeth Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Fox Poo Our puppy now rolls in this almost everyday (it must be a teenage thing) ... it is THE most foul stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tam Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 That really is a sh1t day ☹️ The world will look a lot better after a blat to work and a lunchtime pint 😬 Tam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Mupferit Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 Oh ye of little faith Kev, it will all fit like a hand in glove. It might be a very small glove, admittedly 😬 Brent Zetec 209 Reassuringly Expensive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asker of daft questions Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Sorry about the poo folks but I did find a whole load of chicken vindaloo in a bin yesterday behind the Raj, yummy it was too 😬 The Fox If it wasn't cool to be a Fox why would they name so many pubs after me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boonie Hound Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Whitley Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I saw footstep spaced dollops of sh1t from meand then you try to blame it on a poor ickle foxy I'm bored to the back 😬 and can drive a fork lift, it that's any help. The fact that I drive one like I drive the Seven may influence your decision... M1 7 SMW 1.4-now-1.8K Mem.No. 10376 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Mupferit Posted July 1, 2004 Author Share Posted July 1, 2004 What...........dangerously you mean 🤔 😬 The job's yours then. Brent Zetec 209 Reassuringly Expensive Edited by - BRENT CHISWICK on 1 Jul 2004 12:58:54 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ninja Boy Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 "The spiral machine is knackered" he says... Now this machine is the basis of all our production Brent - you didn't tell us your company made curly-wurlies. Come on, hand them out... 😬 ...on second thoughts, if they're made of fox poo, I think I'll pass... Hope things are better today, anyway. Cheers, Mark 😬 1800 K-Series - S777 DMH 😬 *arrowright* Mundane-o - J777 DMH - if it's raining *arrowleft* Here's my blog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rossybee Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The spiral machine is knackered" he says... Hmmm, ever so slightly more technical diagnosis than "it's f*cked" Rrrrrrrrrrrrossssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!! here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric McLoughlin Posted July 3, 2004 Share Posted July 3, 2004 Farnborough is being taken over by the local wildlife. Yesterday I spent about 20 minutes watching a sparrowhawk making short work of what might have been a pidgeon in our next door neighbour's garden. Man - there were guts and feathers everywhere. Fascinating stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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