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poopoo-san..the quest continues

Boonie Hound

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And lo the neighbours delivered a magical piece of furniture - a cot that thought it was a bed as well - and we did rejoice at its condition and low price.


But as you know oh master of the nappy gravy the path to contentment is full of challenges - destiny and fate often conspire so that one kneels behind you while the other one gives you a helpful shove.


And it did pass that although we had all the bits there were no instructions and I would have to toil mighterly as I had not been listening to your words of DIY wisdom.


With allen keys and a cup of refreshing tea gathered from the finest yorkshire slopes and warehouse floor I began.


After an hour I had finished and smiled upon my creation - for it was good, although in the shape of a dinosaur and not a cot. Mrs B looked upon my creation and agreed that it was indeed a dipladocus but not a place to sleep and there was much gnashing of teeth.


And although we were one nil up out Portugal bretheren did take it upon themselves to loose their ball in the back of our net - again there was much gnashing of teeth and utterence of four letter chants of praise for our defending skills.


Once again I did attack my creation with simple tools and simple knowledge and cot did appear - after being taken apart twice - and it was good.


Portugal scored again - and it was bad and my teeth gnashed a terrible gnash.


With one side to go your simple follower realised there was no way it could be fixed without taking the end of and there was much throwing of tools and rolling of eyes and stamping of feet.


With the score tied and my golden path to cot happiness flowing in front of me - as well as the bleeding having stopped I confidently embarked upon the final task.


And the great poo giver in the sky smiled and lo a Cot was created to a frustrated man and a bored by football woman. But just as I celebrated my wooden wonder our hopes for cup glory were dashed - and I wept.


Oh Poopoo-san there are things I have learned and I thank thee for this quest

Always listen to your wife for she does often know best

Allen keys can hurt your feet if you throw them

And never DIY and watch football for there will always be great gnashing of teeth.

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I sympathise with you, dear brother Boonie; for yesterday I too battled with allen key in my right hand and plastic phillips screwdriver shaped prodding implement in my left.


For I was charged with fashioning a garden bench from a kit; but my crude implements failed me.


As I struggled to balance chair back part E on my foot and did attempt to secure it to chair side part B with a screw, threaded retainer did bind on the screw.


And the screw did round and I did struggle. The screw, I removed but the damage was done.


The chair was completed as best I could manage with my remaining screws - and it was good.


And my superior was pleased with my work.


I did wrestle once more with the cursed screw and this time it did oblige my efforts; but pity the soul who may be charged to remove it.


So may I offer you this lesson:

Allen keys will round screws in spite of your becoming angry with either.


Pear shaped

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😬 😬


Peardrop - we have at least travelled on the path of enlightenment - i.e we didn't just try and glue it with No Nails - for this is bad and any bretheren reading this saga may wish to learn that using No Nails to stick a curtain pole to wallpaper is but a temporary fix - fortunately I have now travelled far from the flat which we left with two ripped strips of wallpaper stretching from the window to the floor where the glue had finally given up and the pole had fallen - here endeth the lesson...for now

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Ah, but nay master Boonie - you are nothing but a DIY demi-god!


Many moons ago (whilst in similar moment of pre-paternity), a humble rossybee consumed the belgian golden nectar prior to erection of aforementioned child sleeping implement, and required a rebuild of the fullest type...


Likewise the Eve of last Noel, thy muttering rotter, accompanied by his fine filly of a wife, unwisely sipped champagne which ensured multi squint stickerage to subsequent child's play fort!


The moral of this particular tale.....drink IS good *cool*


Ross here *wink*

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Mrs B has said could I put my shed time to good use and maybe raise cash for NTL. She...and it was wholly her idea....suggests a sweepstake on the time that Boonie Jnr will make an appearance.


Having never run a sweepstake - would people want to enter and how about £1 a go split half to NTL and half to the winner?


The baby is due July 11 - I'm hoping for July 7 at 7pm in a shameless bid to gain free stuff from Caterham.


What do you think O fellow shedders.

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Likewise the Eve of last Noel, thy muttering rotter, accompanied by his fine filly of a wife, unwisely sipped champagne which ensured multi squint stickerage to subsequent child's play fort


Been there, done that. Playmobil pirate ships, toy kitchen sets and alcohol before lunch don't mix.


Not long now, Boonie. Be afraid....

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