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New Virus Alert


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The first virus that can infect Tivo boxes and other digital video recorders has been discovered, officials said. The virus prevents DVRs from recording anything but shows starring compulsively disrespectful, inexplicably famous brats. Cyber-sleuths have dubbed the virus Paris 2.0.


The first virus written for answering machines has been discovered. The virus disables answering machines, causing the telephone to ring and ring and ring. The virus only becomes active when it's your mother-in-law calling and you and the wife are trying to watch the last 15 minutes of "Master and Commander."


The first virus that can infect claw hammers has been discovered, officials said today. The infected hammers cause their users to aim inaccurately and whack their thumbs. A spot check of 20 A&Es across the country reported a dramatic spike in hammer-related injuries, coinciding with a four-fold increase in contributions to "swear jars" in homes in many metropolitan areas.


The first virus that can infect basketballs has been discovered at the downtown parks in London. The virus, reported by rapidly aging guys during noon hoops, prevents players from "making a (bleeping) three-pointer even if my (bleeping) life depended on it," a player said.


The first virus that can infect boxes of rocks has been discovered, officials said today. The virus erases whatever scant latent intelligence the rocks may have, leaving them, in the words of a visibly shaken geologist, "even dumber than a box of rocks."



Steve B

Big Black Beast^3 Lighten up everybody....NOW

USA 2005: How the West Was Driven

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