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Pope's tour of Scotland

Geoff Johnson

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On a tour of Scotland, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to

visit the North coast near Aberdeen on an impromptu sightseeing trip.


His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an

enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it

was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf,

a hapless man wearing an English Rugby jersey, struggling frantically to

free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.


At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Scottish rugby tops

roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took

aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly.

The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and

then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.


They bundled the bleeding, semi conscious man into the speed boat along

with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard

frantic shouting from the shore. It was of course the Pope, and he summoned

them to the beach.


Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue

and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that

there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Scotland and

England, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see

that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and

could serve as a model on which other nations could follow."


He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.


As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that???!"


"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact

with God and has access to all God's wisdom."


"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows nothing about shark hunting.

How's that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"





VX & Flares how untrendy can I be?

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reminds me of the one Billy Connolly tells ...



scottish father & son driving through a safari park in Kenya


they see 2 lions and the son notices one lion is licking the mangy

c**p-covered a**e-hole of the other lion! so he points this out to

his dad and asks why the lion would do this ..


the father replies, "ah yes son, I was here earlier and I know what

this must be. you see, that lion earlier caught and ate an english-

man so now he's just trying to get the taste out his mouth ..."

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